Are you asking what happened to the passion that you once had in your marriage? You might be asking how did it change? Are we growing apart? Is there something wrong with me?
Let’s first consider statistics that define a sexless marriage:
- About 15 percent of marriages in America haven’t had sex for “at least” six months!
- Married couples have sex about 58 times per year! That is just a little over once per week.
- Actually a sexless marriage is having 10 or less sexual encounters in a year or just under once per month!
How does a couple find themselves in this situation? Let us examine the differences for a man and a woman. Here are a few causes for each:
Article Author & Relationship Expert Janie Lacy talks on the Daily Buzz News on Sexless Marriages.
Children: This affects women in several ways. First, children take time and energy, usually more from the woman, leaving her with less time for herself. This can become overwhelming and exhausting at times. (Hint to men: help with the children so your lady has more energy and feels that you value all that she does for the family). Also, a woman’s body goes through changes after giving birth which can lead to the second cause.
Loss of Self Esteem: This can include a number of contributing factors. When a woman goes through childbirth, her body goes through changes that can also affect her emotions. During this time, if her husband is not supportive or encouraging, it can lead to poor self-esteem and losing the desire to share her body intimately.
Lack of Respect or Trust: Being sexual for most women engages their emotions, they need to have respect and trust for their husband. If he is not paying attention to her, or worse, is paying more attention to work, friends, hobbies, the internet or others, she will lose respect and trust and this leads to a loss of desire for intimacy.
Biological Changes: 40% of men over the age of 40 suffer from impotence on occasion and the percentage increases with age. It is estimated that more than 30 million men in the U.S. have this problem. Depression, anxiety, hypertension, diabetes and obesity are just a few of the other things that can contribute to this situation.
Boredom or Wife’s Lack of Interest: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is that wonderful definition of insanity attributed to Albert Einstein!
Resentment: If other things are getting the wife’s attention and the husband does not feel desired, it can lead to resentment, which can lead to finding other things to fill this void.
So with all these factors, is it hopeless?! Absolutely not! Here are a few tips you can take to start the battle against sexless marriage and get your groove back:
Emotional Intimacy: Create an environment of mutually expressing support and care for each other. The key is that it is MUTUAL!
Couple Focused:Set up a regular date night and pursue each other like you did when you were dating. Make sure to include non-sexual touch and both physical and emotional closeness.
Make an Appointment: Yes, I know it may sound mechanical but you can have fun with this. Set a regular appointment for sexual encounters with your spouse. This can minimize the fear of rejection and anticipation can build as you look forward to your time together.
There is definitely hope if you are currently in a sexless marriage! Be very careful during these times because one or both of you can become vulnerable to distractions. It is worth the investment to rekindle that passion with your spouse by pursuing them all over again and enjoying that deep intimacy that comes from that special, sexual interaction with your spouse. Make it a point today to start following these steps and you will enjoy the rewards of having a sexually and emotionally satisfying marriage rather than a sexless one!
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Author: Janie Lacy