Psychologists used to recommend talking about sex a year before puberty, but now children on average are exposed to pornography at age 8 due to the internet and pop ups. So families are scrambling about how to talk to an 8 or 9 year old about sex. Additionally, the Center for Disease Control and the Federal Drug Administration just approved Gardasil, the HPV Vaccine for boys & girls ages 9-26 years of age. Parents are wondering what they should say to their child as they are going to get “another vaccine.” Typically girls should be told about sex around age 10-11 and boys around 11 years of age.

In the Fine Print from Pharmaceutical Company: Some doctors are pressuring girls to get this vaccine. The vaccine only works for those that have not been sexually active and only stops 4 out of 100 strains of HPV. There are 16 HPV strains of the virus that cause 70% of cervical cancer and in 2008 more women died from cervical cancer than AIDS. Not only does Gardasil, the HPV vaccine, help “prevent” 4 strains of the virus (4% of the strains), but it only reduces the chance of HPV by 38%. The drug companies disclose some of this information in the disclosures you get with the vaccine, but they are not telling us this information in TV advertisement most likely because if they did they would not sell their vaccine.

Tell them before the Media or their Peers: Also, it’s important for parents to talk to kids about sex before the media does. It’s also important to talk to your children about sex and for them to feel their parents are approachable to talk about sex so they do not go to their friends for advice. Sex also should be portrayed as a beautiful representation of the oneness of a couple as well as the exclusivity of the act of sex between spouses. Children and adolescents need to know that great sex is a result of healthy communication and intimacy with their mate throughout the day. The purpose of sex is for procreation as well as for a married couple’s enjoyment.

Top Teen TV Awards: In 2009 the top shows on Teen TV shows were Sex in the City, Gossip Girls, The Hills, & 90210 where casual sex or “hooking up” is the norm. According to research students watching these shows often with one or both parents, these teens have a higher incidence of promiscuous behavior. Over 80% of teens have sex by the age of 18, so it’s important to get the HPV vaccine if a parent feels their children/teen are not going to heed their parents advice. Additionally, some families may want the vaccine to protect against diseases as one of three girls/women will be sexually abused, molested or raped by the time they finish college.

The United States is second only to Japan for the highest Teen Pregnancy in the world.In the US 70% of children are born to unwed parents and these kids are the greatest burdens on our social services, courts, jails, prisons, and law enforcement programs.So rather than telling kids not to have sex we need to talk about how to “How to Have the Best Sex”. The research from Univ. of Chicago, Oxford, Redbook Magazine 100,000 women survey, Dartmouth University shows the following characteristics of couples reporting the best sex:6 Common Characteristics of Couples Reporting the Best Sex!

1. People who have no sexual experience before they Marry!
2. Living apart before they Marry! – Women who live together while waiting for the guy to commit feel they are loved “Conditionally” and feel they are being watched to see if there are any warts. Unconditional love would be to love someone and work through issues or differences that occur in most marriages in the first few years.
3. Less Sexual Anxiety/Baggage – Sex is 90% psychological for Women! No worries about STD’s, and no guilt or shame.
4. Marital Commitment – Enhances Sexual experience, because the women do not feel he can leave as easily.
5. Happy Stable Union – A couple that is happy and works on their relationship and is self sacrificing for their spouse creates more stability. One of the top needs for women is stability.
6. Couples that attend church together! Women are spiritual and attending church together helps the couple with support and helps line up their values.

So we ask students at retreats that I do, “Who wants to have the best sex!” Most of them do!

Abstinence programs are working if students go through them each year and if parents keep their students involved in extracurricular activities to build their self confidence. Parents can make their home fun and approachable as well and invite friends to their home as well.

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