Hate Father’s Day?

Hate Father’s Day? Here’s How to Turn the Day Around

If you’re reading this article, you are probably one of the many dads hoping to get through the day. Like any holiday, I guarantee many past emotions are brought to the surface. 

These may be joyful emotions from memories so fond that you want to recreate them for your children– to have your sons and daughters experience the same love you received from your father. Maybe these are not-so-great emotions you want to push away and forget. Whether good or bad, it’s time to approach these emotions head-on and tune into your vulnerability to feel good on your big day. After all, this holiday was made for YOU!

Hey, you may love Father’s Day (which is great!) and are confused as to why I am writing this article. Regardless of whether you love or hate this day, you are all fathers. To be called “Dad” is an amazing thing! What’s so great about being a father?

Fathers are leaders, guiding their children to the right path.

Fathers are loving, telling their daughters and sons they love them every day. 

Fathers are protectors.

Fathers are imperfect, but accept their mistakes without any shaming, blaming, or excusing. 

Fathers are vulnerable, expressing their feelings without embarrassment.

If you experience feelings of abandonment, neglect, or harm on this Father’s Day, I remind you that whatever healing work your father lacked, you do not. Remember, all these things describe you! You have the tools to heal yourself and the courage to look within. 

For those of you suffering greatly from past experiences with your father, whether he was absent in your life physically or emotionally, I am here to say I empathize with you. These feelings are not easy to approach, especially in a society where men are expected to be unemotional and phrases like “Man Up!” exist (though we are slowly getting better). It is tragic to see the trend of men, especially fathers, bottling up their emotions and never truly learning to address their inner world. That being said, it is natural to choose to ignore this day, as it is an annual reminder of your pain. Often, we take our unhealed wounds and transfer them to those around us, especially our kids. If you think you cannot heal for yourself, at least do it for your daughters and sons!

No act to improve is too small. As long as you are putting in the work to heal yourself, you will naturally heal those around you, especially your children. 

If you are ready to begin the healing journey, here is a 5-step strategy:

• RECOGNIZE IT.

The first step is probably the hardest: recognizing the emotions you feel. This will probably require going back in time and experiencing those memories again that you so badly wanted to forget. It will be hard, I promise you. But, as you rethink these memories, I want you to label the emotions that arise. Though a majority of these feelings will be negative, it is important to try to find some positive emotions that may be mixed in there as well. 

To help you label some emotions, here is a list of some descriptive words you can use:

• Dejected
• Upset 
• Frustrated
• Angry
• Grateful 
• Inspired
• Overwhelmed
• Saddened
• Confused
• Loved
• Appreciative
• Encouraged
• Empty

• FEEL IT.

Now that you have labeled and recognized the emotions you feel, it is time to actually FEEL them. 

What does this look like? 

It is allowing your emotions to flow completely free. 

It is allowing your feelings to fully encompass your mind and body. 

This is the time to stop pushing down those negative feelings. As humans, we naturally oppose these negative emotions, but it is part of the healing process! If we constantly push away the bad feelings, how will we ever get the closure to move forward?

• WRITE IT.

You are probably feeling pretty intense emotions right now and don’t know what to do with them. 

Write it down!!! 

When you let the emotions flow, words will come. This is your time to write everything you’ve always wanted to tell your father, but have never been able to. There is no judgment and nothing you should or shouldn’t say. Do not get too wrapped up in how it should look. Remember, you’re not giving this letter to him– it’s for your eyes only!

Think you need some extra help to get started? Here are some great journal prompts to get the words flowing:

• What am I feeling right now?
• What did my father do to make me feel this way?
• What didn’t he do that made me feel this way?
• Why do I think my father acted this way?
• Was I missing anything from my father that I needed?
• I am ready to move forward with my life because I deserve…
• What am I ready to release today?
• I can’t change the future, but today I choose to…

• SAY IT.

You have popped the balloon! You have released those intense emotions through your pen and paper and have finally “deflated!” Take a moment to recognize how good it feels to have those emotions out of you and onto the paper.

Now that you are feeling better, it is time to share it with others. Reach out to someone you know will actively listen. Often, speaking with someone outside your familial realm is more beneficial. When they don’t know the individual, they can’t give their outside opinion on them and provide a more subjective listening experience. Tell them your past experiences and the feelings they created. It may be hard to open up at first, but once you break that barrier and share your emotions with that trusted confidant, it will become easier and easier in the future– not with just that person, but with anyone! 

• LET IT GO.

Acceptance. It is something that may take days, months, or even years. Forgiveness can be one of the most challenging things we face in life. Don’t try to rush yourself into it, but now that you have done the above steps to properly heal, the only thing left to do is give yourself time. This step is about releasing any kept vengeance or animosity against your dad. It is the final healing step in the journey. If you have made it here, I am incredibly proud of you.

Since you have made it to this part of the article, 

I know you are ready to take back this Father’s Day.

I know you are ready to address these suppressed emotions and heal your relationship not only with your father and your children, but with yourself. I know that you will not choose to push through this Father’s Day, but truly enjoy it. Happy Father’s Day!

Jim West

Adolescent Expert, Jim West offers expert advice to Local and National TV News & Schools Internationally and provides phone or face-to-face counseling in the Orlando area. Jim is an Author, Communicator, School Consultant, Nationally Certified and State Licensed Counselor and specializes in counseling for Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADD/ADHD) and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). Jim has been interviewed for multiple TV, Radio, magazine and newspaper articles. He is president of Total Life Counseling Center and his Total Life approach accelerates the therapeutic & healing process by relating to children, adolescents and adults and incorporating wellness. Jim’s clients travel from all over Florida, England, Georgia, Cayman Islands and the Bahamas as he has been able to treat clients with ADHD, Anxiety, Mood Disorders, Depression and more with FDA approved supplements and Dietary Modifications. 85% of his clients have not needed medication or used less medication than when they first came to Total Life Counseling Center.

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