How Do I Cope with My Child’s Diagnosis?

Over 3 million babies are born every year in the US. And with the birth of a child, there is
not only new life, but new adventures, new possibilities, and new opportunities. As
exciting as it may be to have a precious new baby to see grow, develop, and become
who they are destined to be. Sometimes we must face the unexpected. For some
parents, the unexpected could be a health diagnosis for their child, whether mental or
physical that we weren’t prepared to receive. Our gut reaction could be anger, fear,
sadness, or a mixture of all 3; but what do we do now? About 2.7% of the population of
persons under 18 are of fair to poor health. 1 So though the statistics may be in your
corner, it’s still a possibility that the diagnosis comes. So then, what? What do you do
when you find out that your child has a health diagnosis?

Step 1: Breathe

Be in the moment. Don’t look too far back into why it happened. Sometimes in our
search for the reason why our child got the diagnosis, we are looking for something or
someone to blame. Let me assure you that blame has never cured an illness. Consider
Wayne Dyer’s thoughts, “You may succeed in making another feel guilty about
something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you
that is making you unhappy.” If you are a researcher, the reason why something
happened is your goal. If you are a parent, we just want our kids to be okay. Often the
diagnosis is the starting point to help us best understand how to move forward. To just
breathe, centers us in the present moment. It gives us time to process what is true,
meaningful, and important at that moment. We don’t want the fear of the future to overtake
us either. Breathing allows us time to choose to be hopeful about what the future holds.

Step 2: Empower

“Knowledge is power” was common rhetoric throughout my childhood thanks to School
House Rock. There is comfort when we have an idea of what to expect. When we don’t
know what the diagnosis means or how to best help our child, it can cause anxiety and
a sense of helplessness. Anxiety is intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear
about everyday situations. Maybe the diagnosis that your child has received isn’t
common but, we must admit that someone getting a diagnosis for a health issue is an
everyday occurrence. Someone somewhere at any time is going to receive a diagnosis
and what is important at that moment is finding out what will help make them feel and/or
get better. Whether the best option for their well-being is comfort or the cure, finding out
what we can do to help and support our children is where we can utilize the energy that
we may otherwise use worrying and feeling helpless. Speak with an expert or two. Find
out if there are articles from reputable websites that can give you some information
about what that diagnosis means and the best treatment options you should discuss
with the health professional.

Step 3: Engage

1. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2020-2021/Hstat.pdf
Unexpected news has a way of taking our breath away. We can be in such disbelief that
instead of reaching out for support we withdraw from others. We start counting out
people from our circle of support because we have determined, they don’t understand,
and our heaviness will only bring them down. But being isolated while feeling, fear,
anxiety, and worry is just a dangerous place to be in. Whatever we nurture tends to grow
and if we are low in spirit and alone, where does the light come from? We need to look
outside of ourselves and draw strength from others. Just like we acknowledged that at
any time, someone, somewhere, has received an unexpected health diagnosis;
someone somewhere has experience living with that diagnosis. They could be a source
of support, empowerment, and hope, that there is still life to enjoy after the diagnosis.
So, if you get that unexpected news, it’s time to connect. There are many reputable
support groups and oftentimes, the health facility you’re using may have its own. In
support groups you tend to find wisdom and transparency that will let you know you’re
not alone and you can get through this.

Tips

So, if you have recently been on the receiving end of an unexpected health diagnosis,
remember:

1. Breathe: Take in the moment. Currently, you are ok. Currently, you know what is
causing the symptoms your child is experiencing. You may be in a new season,
but seasons do change. Breathe, you will get through this.

2. Empower: Do your research. What information is readily available to you from
your healthcare provider? What information is readily available to you from a
reputable website like Psychology Today or NAMI?

3. Engage: Where is my new community of parents that are caring for their children
with this diagnosis or maybe someone that is living with the diagnosis? Is there
an in-person or online forum where I can connect with others so we can share
our experiences, strength, and hope?

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hus/2020-2021/Hstat.pdf

Written by TLC Licensed Counselor Shermelia Drummer